Sweet Ava

Sweet little Ava Costa was born today. She was 7 pounds 15 ounces and has a head full of dark hair. We're so exited to finally meet her. Congratulations to our dear friends, The Costas!

Sam and Ava 9-29-09

Bella and Ava 9/29/09

More Thoughts on Suffering and Hope

So, how is it that genuine hope, hope that doesn't disappoint, comes as a result of suffering. That's not logical is it? Why must it be forged in a season of suffering?

These are the thoughts I've had with the Lord today on this:

A paradigm shift is required in order to learn to live life from the inside out. When we come into the world, we take in all of our experiences and understanding from the outside world via our senses. We assimilate those experiences with our natural minds and we build perspectives and opinions based on those experiences and the understandings we come to as a result of interpreting those experiences with our intellect. Our entire world view and reference point for all that we are and how to relate to the world around us is entirely self-made.

Because we are born spiritually dead, we are left with nothing but human reasoning in developing our paradigms and references for life. When we are born again and receive the Spirit of God, our Spirit man is made alive again and we now have an internal source for wisdom and life. The only problem is that we have already been conditioned and programmed to interpret life without the Spirit.

I think that in order to learn to live life from the spirit man as opposed to our natural understanding, we must travel through seasons where our human intellect and natural hope dies. Those paradigms must be given opportunity to "self-destruct" so that we can make room for the paradigms and realities of a life lived in conjunction with the indwelling Spirit of God.

Suffering is obviously not fun and based on the nature and character of God, I KNOW that He only permits it because of the incredible benefits. As our natural hope dies we are able to embrace life as the indwelling Spirit intends it to be. A life of rest and peace based in intimacy and sweet dependence on God.

I love the scripture from Deuteronomy 33:12 that says, "let the beloved of the Lord rest secure between His shoulders." What a beautiful picture of intimacy, rest and trust. But, the Lord is not a physical presence in our lives, so how is it that we can learn to experience this and live in that place of continual intimacy with God? How is it that we can really experience that type of rest and closeness with Him?

It is only in having Him Shepherd us into new paradigms of the heart and mind that teach and enable us to live in continual fellowship with the indwelling spirit of God. Here is our rest, here is our hope, here is the intimacy that we all long for. Living life in the abiding presence our loving King. He's made His home in our hearts and He longs to reveal what that means and the wonderful intimacy that provides. Will we journey with Him into the frightening places of letting go of our self-made paradigms and into real life with His Spirit?

Thoughts on Suffering and Hope

I'm not sure to start with this and rather than wait until I know exactly what my thoughts are here, I'm just going to start processing as I type. At the moment I should probably be studying, but I'd rather delve into some of this stuff.

Pain, crushing, fire, the crucible, being stuck between a rock and a hard place for way longer than you ever thought you could handle, sleeplessness, hopelessness, despair, depression, unalterable new realities, sickness, death and finally... HOPE...

It begins with suffering.

We are surrounded by it and touched by it more than we'd like to admit. Much to our dismay, the Bible is full of references to it. The world is flooded with it, despite our ostrich like attempts to bury our heads in the worthless sands of entertainment. As believers, what do we do with our pain? When we can't escape it where do we go? What do we do? Where is the purpose? If we have no control over when it will end how can we have courage to endure it?

I know from experience that there are seasons of suffering in life and that no matter how hard we try, we cannot rush ourselves out of those seasons. They often come unexpectedly and stay longer than we'd like. They can push us beyond natural limits into frightening places. Sometimes it seems that they push us right off the edge of the cliffs of our sanity and into a terrifying free fall of forced trust. We frantically grasp the empty air for the fingers of our unseen God and some semblance of comfort and stability as we find ourselves falling, falling, falling outside of our known reality and into a place that is clearly "off the page" of our world view.

I've been in a place like that, a place where my old identity was swallowed up in a darkness that seemed to know no bounds, a hopelessness that seemed to saturate my soul and seep into all caverns of my heart. My reference point for God's character and presence in my life simply melted beneath the cool chill of that despair and I was left with nothing familiar -- nothing to lean on. The old reality and confidence vaporized as all that I said I believe in was violently tested. The lights in my soul clicked off one by one until I was left with a sickening silence, a rush of darkness and the sound of nothing but thin cold whispers of truths that once warmed my heart. My heart dangled beyond the edge of life as I had understood it.

Suffering...

Plunging into new territories of the heart -- uncomfortable, even soul crushing, barren landscapes. But, when we enter into places where our hope is unseen, we begin to encounter real hope. "...hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?" Romans 8:25. Real hope, hope that doesn't disappoint, can only be forged in places where hope cannot be seen. In the desolate landscapes where we would never take ourselves, we are given gifts of immeasurable worth, gifts that can sustain and fortify in any season, gifts that endure until the realities of our hope are finally manifest and we see with our eyes what we've only seen with our souls.

To (possibly) be continued...

Pinch My NOSE!!!

Strange, but true, this is what Sam says to me every night. Four days a week I have to leave the house before 7am to get to school on time and Sam wants to see me before I go. I never can get her to wake up that early, so she always tells me to pinch her nose in order to wake her up. I just can't bring myself to do that. She looks so sweet and innocent, why would I pinch her nose? Maybe I'll have to just get over it and do it tomorrow morning...

Another random anecdote. (We Blackmons are weird.) One time Sam told Will, "I've always wanted to be woken up by having someone stuff a donut in my mouth." So the next time Barry brings donuts home Will happens to be up before Sam and shares this with me. "Why not?" I think. So, I follow Will into Sam's room and he shoves a chocolate donut with sprinkles into Sam's mouth. She smacks her lips and starts chewing and says, "mmhhhmmm." It was so funny. I think I might want to punch anyone who did that to me, but Sam knows herself pretty well and she knew she'd love it. This really happened. She really was dead asleep and Will really stuffed a donut in her mouth to wake her up. What a silly, quirky family. I sure do love them!

Back in the Dawg Pen...

So, I'm back in school. I'm taking Korean and a service learning course that helps with ESL. So far, so good!

Pictures from Korea Trip

http://www.strawsermusicstudio.com/Strawser_Music_Studio/Trip_to_Korea/Trip_to_Korea.html

The Final Countdown

Well, here we are, one day away from leaving for our Korea trip. I can't believe it's finally here. This year we're taking a team of about 18 with us, so there have been many more details to handle. Needless to say, my packing job is a lot sloppier than it was last year. I know we're in for an exiting time. Flexibility is the key, the say. We'll fly 14 hours over there and then start camp the NEXT morning. Holy Toledo!!! We are definitely relying on God's supernatural power for this--there's just no other way. Last year I had terrible jet lag, so I'm trusting in faith that God will give us all the ability to love these kids and let the Lord work through us regardless of our physical or emotional state. I'm hanging on to Galatians 2:20. I no longer live, but Christ lives through me.

I'll try to post some things, but there are no guarantees. It's easier to just update facebook status. We'll see. We're super exited. What a wacky couple of year it has been. It's so fun to be able to see the Lord's faithfulness and kindness despite the hardships. He really is so, so good!