The Practice of Silence 12/9/11

Korea is a busy place.  America can be a busy place, too.  I've noticed that something the Lord repeatedly leads me to is the concept of silence and solitude.  Why?  Well, we all know we need time to think and reflect, right?  We all need to unwind and let our emotions, minds and bodies come back to "neutral."  We've all experienced that feeling of being wound tighter and tighter internally as the busy-ness of life builds to an uncomfortable crescendo.  That stress is not only uncomfortable, it is also unhealthy.  Physically, our immune system is weakened by stress, mentally our priorities become susceptible to falling out of order when we're stressed and emotionally we are more prone to "snap" causing damage to relationships.  Stress is not God's will for His people.  How then do we balance the busy-ness of life and the responsibilities we have with rest and peace God desires for us?

Often I'm tempted to think that if I just had more time off it would change things.  That's not the case.  Time of is good, but physical rest is not the same things as "soul rest."  Our bodies can be still even when our hearts are in a state of unrest.

I love the verse that says, "My soul finds rest in God alone" Pslam 62:1


Many times during our worship nights the Holy Spirit will call us to wait on him.  It's hard.  Many times I get sleepy and begin to wonder why things are moving slowly.  But, the truth is, silence and stillness are KEYS to knowing and growing in God.

Psalm 46:10 admonishes us to "be still and know He is God."

In Psalm Ecclesiastes 5:1-7

"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God.  Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.  Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.  God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few... Stand in awe of God."

9/30/11

It's Friday night, 11:29pm.  The kids are still up cleaning their Legos (playing).  Barry is hanging wet laundry on the drying rack (they don't do dryers here in Korea).  He's a keeper.  (Although, heh heh, the story of how he became so helpful would take hours to tell.  Much of it is contained in this blog...)

I just wanted to do a little therapeutic typing/blogging.

So, I don't have to work on Monday because it's a national holiday.  I'm not sure what we're celebrating, but I know that I don't have to go in to work.  That'll be nice.

What a year it's been!  Wow.  We came in faith and we live by faith and we're staying in faith.  The Lord has made it clear that we're not done here yet.

We are looking forward to visiting home for Christmas.  I'm looking forward to the clean Georgia air.  It's funny the things you take for granted.  I don't know if I'll ever take clean air for granted again.  We live downtown in one of the world's largest cities and the air pretty much reeks.  (All the time.)  It's not necessarily a complaint, it's just an observation.  If you have clean air to breathe, enjoy it!

I also want to ride my bike and drive!  I haven't done either since we came in January.  But, oh the  money you save when you don't own a car.  I can get almost anywhere here by bus or subway.  It's pretty cool.  I never was a city girl, but it has its share of perks and conveniences.

Surprisingly, many things are more expensive here, like food, most electronics and clothing.  Taxes are lower, medical care is so cheap it's pleasantly ridiculous and cell phone plans are cheaper, too.

There are obvious cultural adjustments to deal with also, but as a teacher, I get the chance everyday to see and be reminded that people are people everywhere you go.  Children all over the world love to pick their noses (among other things...) and laugh and be silly.

I'm surprised by how comfortable I am now at my work place.  There were such ups and downs for the first few months, but finally it seems I've reached equilibrium.  Though we don't fully understand one another, we (my employers and co-workers and I) have a mutual love and respect for one another and genuinely enjoy being together.  That is a blessing.

I am so very thankful that I do work in a Christian school.  It's a breath of fresh air to be able to pray and speak freely about the Lord.  It's encouraging to see how He is moving all over the world.  I'm also so fascinated by the cultural impact on the church here and in America.  We recently made some connections with the church in Holland.  I'm looking forward to learning more about how they relate to one another and the Lord.

Though we're all so different and even though we can see God's creativity in the variations among nationalities and cultures, the similarities are also fascinating.  Like the saying goes, "hurt people hurt people."  I've seen some hurting hearts here.  Relationships really are everything.  The main thrust of the Bible is reconciliation.  God certainly knows people well.  We all need to know and experience the unfailing love of a faithful Father.  There are some specific folks I am earnestly praying that for right now.

One friend in particular lost his father at a young age and is plagued with anxiety in his relationships.  He struggles with loneliness and a debilitating fear of abandonment.  I'm observing that the human plight is essentially the same everywhere.

We are indeed lost sheep in need of a shepherd.  Jesus is that Shepherd, that indescribably comforting and calming overseer of souls.  The devastating irony though, is that when you don't have Him you don't realize that it's Him you are desperately needing and wanting -- you just know that you hurt.  It breaks my heart.  I know what it is to feel afraid and alone and I know what it is to know the comfort of the Living God.  There's nothing like it.  It's more real than anything else I've ever experienced.  It's personal.  It's intimate.  He is personal.  He is intimately acquainted with us.  Nothing compares to that.

I'm really praying that this friend can experience the reality of God's love and healing presence in his life.   And that like it says in Psalm 62:8, that he'll learn to pour out his heart to God and really trust Him.

One of my favorite songs is by a French gal named, Isa Couvertier.  Its called "Safe Place" and its about coming to find God as the "safe place" -- THE place to unload your heart and the pains of the past.  It's a beautiful song and a beautiful truth.

Well, my eyes are tired, so I'm going to bed.  Goodnight...

Today. 6/15/11

Today is Wednesday, June 15th.  I came in to school at 10:30am.  Jenny and I led worship together for all the kids.  After that I taught three 5 year old English classes in a row.  At 12:30pm we ate a yummy Korean lunch.  This is my planning time before my next 2 classes.  I just wanted to continue the habit of writing a little.

This morning Barry and I had a really nice prayer time together.  We want to continually combine faith and action as we follow after Christ.  (I read James 2 today.)  We took the step to come here by faith and the Lord was reminding me that we can continually live that way.  Our ears are open to hear what He'll say next.  Our eyes are on Him as we journey in faith.  We're expectant about where He will lead us next, but for today, we'll just keep our gaze on Him and enjoy Him in the present.  May today be a day where we do all we do (whether teaching, cleaning, etc.) as unto Him and for His glory.

I'm so thankful that we can enjoy fellowshipping with God throughout the day.  Worship is a heart attitude, not a song.  May our lives be in continual harmony with our Maker as we keep our hearts tuned into Him throughout our day.

6/9/11

Huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...  I think I'm forgetting how to speak English.  I want to be deliberate about making time to write because it's therapeutic for me.

There isn't a lot of time or space for writing or reflection in this season.  It's a busy time, unlike the time when I was injured and I began this blog.  I've heard another expat say that living in Korea is kind of like being rubbed up against a grinder.  Things get knocked off of you violently and in a hurry!  That's definitely what it feels like.

I look forward to being on the other side of this and being able to see some of the things God has done.

Culture 3/8/11

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of culture lately.  We've lived in a new culture now for a little over 2 months.  It's much easier to detect the prevalent ideas in a culture when you are a foreigner, because they are so "normal" for the natives, but so odd for the foreigner.

In particular I've noticed the dominant Confuscianism here in Korea, even within the church.  It's everywhere.  Every relationship is affected by hierarchy.  It's so strange.  People are not seen as equals.  It is perfectly acceptable for an employer, elder or anyone who outranks you socially to treat you like a child and publicly shame you or humiliate you in order to coax you toward what they deem as acceptable behavior or performance.  I think it's really quite oppressive.

I've had a few encounters with it myself.  It is so strange to me and it can be very hurtful.  I realize that it is so normal for most Koreans that they don't even recognize that it is not congruent with the culture of God's kingdom.  I also realize that I cannot talk anyone out of an idea that has been almost as present as the law of gravity, constantly a part of everyday life.

It does burden my heart, though.  Koreans excel in so many areas.  They are such hard workers.  But, I'm beginning to wonder just how deeply tied their performance is to their fear of being shamed or "losing face," as many of them call it.  (Although they don't seem to have any reservations about literally losing face, by having their jaw bones shaved down or changing other aspects of their physical appearance through various types of plastic surgery.)  The irony is that they are such beautiful people.  Gorgeous skin and hair, perfect proportions, etc.

For me, I guess this is all part of adjusting to a new culture.  It really makes me wonder what dominant ideas foreigners notice about my home culture. 

I know that as Believers we are invited to participate in the culture of God's kingdom.  We're also instructed to obey the laws of the land.  Even Jesus paid his taxes.  So, I'm wanting to know how to think, speak and teach God's kingdom ways and live free from the oppressive constraints of man's cultural ideas whilst maintaining respect for its laws.

The word says to give honor where honor is due.  The word says to respect and honor and care for your elders.  These are all good things.  But bondage to rules and formality is not scriptural.  The word says that love must be sincere.  I show respect out of love.  I show honor out of love.

Also, Jesus said that the greatest among us would demonstrate that leadership through humble service marked by love and self-sacrifice.  Leadership is not demonstrated by how many people fear or emulate you, but by your willingness to go low and continually look to the interests of others regardless of social status.  Kingdom influence is marked by giving, not gaining.  Holy Spirit, teach us to walk after Your ways and the example set by our Lord Jesus.

Snippets

Yep, we're still here in Korea.  I've had so many fun and interesting things happen.  I'm afraid I can't remember them all.  One day I got lost in the city where my school is.  I walked for and hour and a half!  I wore a hole in my tights.  Ha!  I wore those tights today and remembered my  misadventure.  I now know which exit to take out of the subway and I know my way quite well and haven't been lost (there) since.

I met a Brazilian girl in the subway who is light skinned and looks German -- kinda wierd.  She said her grandparents were Polish and that's why she's so blond and fair.  I also met an African American woman from Maryland.  She's in her 50's or so and named Bessie.  She teaches at a local university.  What a sweet woman.  We foreigners tend to stick out, so conversation with them on the subway always comes easily.  No to mention the English factor.  Hello.  Most other folks don't speak a language that I can readily understand.

I melted into a pile of mush and tears last night when the kids ministry took us out for dinner and then sang a song of blessing over us and then handed me flowers and got Will a birthday cake made by one of Korea's most famous chefs.  (I know that was a ridculously long sentence.  I don't care.  I'm talking, not writing.)

I tried to go into a men's only spa not once, but twice.  The first time I thought it was the subway.  The second time I knew it was a spa, I just didn't know it was only for men.  That was fun and embarassing.

I stayed up til 1am last night moving furniture around.  So cathartic.

Our sweet English worship group bought Will a pair of Nikes for his birthday.  Nice! 

I LOVE the kids I work with.  I do a lot of small group work.  One student in particular can be slain by my ill-attempts at Korean.  She literally falls down on the floor with laughter.  I love it.  Her name is Sue and she makes my day super-bright.  She'll say, "TEACHER, TEACHER!!!  SAY:  blah, blah, blabbity, blah, blah (Korean)."  I do my best to imitate whatever it was she said and she promptly throws herself on the ground absolutely spasmodic with laughter or she gets tangled up in a chair and ends up laughing uncontrollably on the floor.  It's awesome.  I really don't want to know what she's trying to get me to say...

Imagery, Both Old and New

Writing here feels a little bit like coming home.  Long before the Korea move was on the horizon, this blog existed as a place to pour out my thoughts and process things.  It's good to be here. Familiar things are a comfort amidst so much change.

So,  everything is so new.  I'm sitting at a simple black desk, in an unusually comfortable black office chair.  There is a wall-sized window directly in front of me.  If I stand and lean forward I can touch it.  I am 10 stories high.  Building "B" fills my view.  Maybe 100 ft directly ahead, squares and rectangles of glass filled with various types of blinds, pots and plants are looking back at me.  It is a motionless and boring view.  To the far right I can see gigantic monitor atop a neighboring building.  I sit 1 story higher than it and it gives a continual stream of ads for the crowded lines of cars below.  I'm glad I have drapes so that I can make it go away.

Car engines revving and roaring, sirens and the sounds of noisy traffic will one day be familiar, but for now they are foreign.  I'm used to hearing the wind shrieking past window panes that are slightly askew and the comforting rattle of it whipping through our vinyl siding while lying in my cozy pillow top bed with flannel sheets and toasty down.  In the mornings I used to hear song birds, the Statham train, the squeak of the school bus brakes and the familiar whine of Lizzy, our dog, asking to go outside to relieve herself and exert her dominance over a few lingering squirrels.  I feel a little too overwhelmed with the new to miss the old right now.

As I look to the left and right I see books bursting off of bookshelves.  They are all in Korean, so I am unable to unlock their secrets and enjoy what they might have to offer. Behind me is a ruffly, pastel Korean comforter on top of a Korean style bed.  The bed is considerably harder than any American mattress and yet it provides a haven for rest and my sweet down pillow from home greets me every time I crawl between the matching blue sheets.

I enjoy hearing the familiar sounds of Samantha on "Webkinz World" and Will clacking Legos as I type.  I'm happy to be here, though I still feel fatigued from the drain of the unfamiliar and the 14 hour warp of time.

It has been especially meaningful to see Barry rise up into his role as English teacher and leader at the church.  He has such a joy and energy about him that make all the paperwork and details worth it.  Even working 5 days a week is a privilege that I know helped to pave the way for our visas so that we could be here.  Yay!  Our time with the English worship group has been very meaningful. We are reading through The 4:8 Principle as a group.  It's been a neat time to share our hearts and grow together.  I'm looking forward to getting to know them all better and see what the Lord will do.