Encouragement 12/13/08

Long time no blog. I haven't had much to say. I've been in the slow cooker for a few weeks mulling a lot of things over. I still don't have much to say except that I came across some encouragement this evening and wanted to post it.

Streams In the Desert 12/12/2008

"Just as old soldiers compare their battle scars and stories of war when they get together, when we arrive at our heavenly home, we will tell of the goodness and faithfulness of God, who brought us through every trial along the way. I would not like to stand with the multitude clothed in robes made "white in the blood of the Lamb" (Rev. 7:14) and hear these words: "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation' -- all except you."

"How would you like to stand there and be pointed out as the only saint who never experience sorrow? Never! You would feel like a stranger in the midst of a sacred fellowship. Therefore may we be content to share in the battle, for we will soon wear a crown of reward and wave a palm branch of praise." -- C.H. Spurgeon

ACTION 2/28/09

Sometimes it's just nice to take a break.

I've had a super-long break from blogging. I'm so out of the habit that I don't even know where to start or what to write. There's been a lot on my mind, but it's all been put in my notebook -- the one with real paper that no one sees. (If you did see it you wouldn't be able to read my handwriting...)

I have been hearing this word for weeks that it's time for action. I still have no idea what action that is, but I do keep hearing that word. Watchman Nee's daily devotional, Oswald Chambers, the Bible, Sean Hannity, ect. -- seems like everywhere I look I'm hearing this word that it is time for ACTION. The Lord reminded me today that we are called to be a people of action. 2 Thes 1:11-12 talks about "acts prompted by faith." James 2:18 says, "I'll show you my faith by what I do." He's not talking about finding our identity in our works, but he is saying that we need to find out who we are and live accordingly.

Hmm... I think I need to mull that over a little more. Find out who you are and live accordingly...

Though I still need to process this stuff, that phrase was pretty convicting to me when I heard it earlier today, because in a lot of ways I know I've just been sitting back waiting for the Lord to hurry up and get us out of here. I guess I've had a "why bother?" attitude. Our culture and nation are self-destructing right before our eyes. That's just what happens when God and His Word are ignored. "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death (Proverbs 16:25)." After what I read today, I realize that I do need to care more and I do need to make a difference--even if it is small.

There was a great quote in Catherine Marshall's book, Christy, about how God is always trying to pry our hands off our eyes and help us to look at things as they really are because He can't begin to bring healing and change until we acknowledge the brokenness and need in our circumstances and our world. Most of us prefer to stay in our ivory towers, but eventually, I think we must accept the reality of a fallen world that affects us all so deeply. That's the first step to change.

Often my first impulse regarding our cultural climate is to want to buy a cabin in the woods with a couple of cows, where I can enjoy the trees and my favorite people and just forget about this sin-sick, depraved world. I realize that is indeed a very selfish desire. God has called us to share the message that has brought us peace, life, and the wisdom to operate in healthy relationships, etc. I really need His heart for people, because honestly, I would just rather enjoy what He's given and hope the rest of the world figures it out. Lord, help me.

Where would I be if He had decided to build a cabin in the heavenlies where the Father, Son and Holy Spirit could hang out and just forget about how screwed up I was. Gee.

So, anyway... I think it's time to act. Still a little unsure of what this is supposed to look like in my life I pray, Lord, help me to not only hear the word, but DO the word. Whatever that may mean and whatever thay may look like. I know the time is short. May we all make the most of it. We are only where we are because someone took the time to share the message with us...

"He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will be punished with an everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his power on the day he comes to be glorified in his holy people and to be marveled at among all those who have believed. This includes you, because you believed our testimony to you.

"With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Thes. 2:8-12

Who-Do 2/28/09

Find out who you are and live accordingly.

I am a Child of God.

I am a wife.

I am a mother.

I am a worship leader.

Get creative. The sky is the limit!

We're called to communicate the Gospel in anyway that we can.

Snow 3/6/09

Was that snow great or what? I really felt renewed just seeing it fall! It was a little bit of Heaven for me.

We sledded and played all day for 2 and a half days. We were all so sore afterward. Thankfully we had power the whole time so we could keep the laundry going and keep getting into the snow. It was so, so fun! I'm so thankful for that snow.

We had been planning to either go to Snow Mountain at Stone Mountain Park or drive up to Boone, NC to find some snow. I was so tickled that the snow came to us. It saved us some serious cash. It was a perfect 3 day vacation. Our snow man still hasn't melted! He's nothing but a small dirty blob, but he's still there.

When the kids and I went to Target today they still had huge piles of snow around the light posts. I let the kids climb them even though they were pretty dirty (and wet!) Why not? When are we going to see snow like this again in Georgia?

'puters Stink 3/18/09

Oh, technology, how I despise thee.

...not really, but sort of.

I won't go into all the woes right now, but I've been working with file downloads and uploads and jump drives and external hard drives and wireless network cards and firmware updates and routers and brand new routers that don't work and Protools version 8.0 that won't load and plug ins that won't download and updates that won't update and the list goes on and on and on and on....

Ahh... I feel a tiny bit better now.

Yahoo for Smart Dads 3/22/09

Mom and Dad came over today and helped me out. It was great.

Dad jumped on the bad 'puter and did a lot of troubleshooting and finally got the router issues straightened out and the network back in place. He also installed the wireless network card for the studio computer so I can get it back up to speed and download Protools 8.0. He is a man of great patience!

Mom worked in my yard some and took care of some things that I'm not able to do because of the chest injury. Speaking of which, I started rehab for my chest this past Thursday. That went really well. I really like the PT. She was a great listener and I think the exercises will help. I'm glad to have someone help me monitor my progress and help me determine what I'm ready for and when I'm ready for it. I have a tendency to over do it most of the time.

This morning was lovely, too. Eunyoung called from Korea to firm up plans for Pastor Kidoong's visit. It's only about a week away. I'm exited, but a little nervous about making sure all the details/logistics fall into place for all the folks I'm getting together. We've got 20 something counselors lined up to go. I need to get all that straight and line up 4 dinners and some gifts. Shouldn't be a big deal, but I still feel a little anxious about it all.

We had our second band practice tonight. It was just Pat, Zach and me. We had fun. It was kind of nice not having the drummer tonight because it made it a lot easier to hear and focus. Nathaniel, Zach's son kept us entertained with his drumming throughout some of the practice. He's only 2 and a half and he's extremely talented with some drum sticks. He's very articulate, too. Good job Sarah and Zach!

That's my day, in a nutshell.

Interviews 4/2/09

The whirlwind is over and I'm happy to report that it went very well. We visited Sunday and then Monday and Tuesday were full of appointments, errands, phone interviews and potluck dinner meetings for the potential counselors. Everything fell into place. Thanks, Lord for your grace and help.

Pastor Kidoong and his family and team member were very pleased with the guest house and seemed to enjoy their stay in Athens. We did our meetings there rather than in our home, which took some stress off of us and gave the Koreans the freedom to stay put and just let everyone come to them.

Kidoong and the gang are in Americus right now meeting with the Habitiat folks before they fly out tomorrow morning. His dad is the chairman for Habitat in Korea. Kidoong wants to highlight the founder and his work in one of his lessons for his children's ministry.

The team is firming up well. I've still got some info to collect and a couple more conversations to have before the group is set and we purchase tickets. But, we're closer than we've ever been.

It was so satisfying to see the looks on the faces on the potential counselors as they heard about Kidoong's vision and all the kids he impacts worldwide with his ministry. It's taken me 3 years to wrap my mind around what he does and I'm still learning and seeking God to help me catch the vision so I can stay focused and serve well.

We're just thrilled to get to be a part of our Father's work on earth and we're so exited that it's open for any of His kids to join in! What a good God we serve.

Waiting... 4/4/09

We're in some limbo waiting to hear exact dates from Kidoong and a few bits of info from some individuals before we can move forward. Once we get dates we can run those by the team and make sure everyone is still able to come. Then we'll address the prep work that's going to be involved and give everyone one last chance to bail. THEN we can go ahead and order tickets. After that we'll meet and get things revved up for a great Kids Camp in August.

I Stink? 4/11/09

So maybe it's not the computers. Maybe it's me. I've spent hours upon hours and days upon days (NOT exaggerating) to trying and properly install my music software, update the firmware, do my windows updates and locate and download drivers etc. I have used system restore no less than 6 times in the process and I've uninstalled and reinstalled Protools too many times to remember. Hmm... What does this reveal about my knack with computers? Oh boy.

Either I'm going to become a computer genius through the school of hard knocks OR this is cruel and unusual punishment. I have literally spent days down here in the bat cave trying to get everything up and running--to no avail. The fun thing is that I really am peaceful about all of it. I'm just tired. I'm trying to glean from the process and learn, but there's something about my right-brained, I-don't-want-to-read-through-to-the-end-of-any-instructions self that doesn't mind just punching buttons and experimenting until things are in a REALLY BIG tangled mess. Why do I do this?

I will say that the room is looking nice. That's not much consolation though, considering the fact that the computer, the Protools software, hardware and the audio monitors aren't working. But, at least it's pretty in here now.

I picked up a new firewire cable today to see if that would help. No luck. I can't update the firmware on the 003 rack and my sessions keep "underflowing" even when I reduce the H/W buffer size. I'm not technically-inclined. I'm actually extremely techno-tarded so, this is getting quite comical.

Jesus, I really think I'm more patient now. Can you please zap the studio and make it work? Please???

Resurrection Sunday 4/12/09

I'm so glad that Jesus is real and ALIVE and that He gives His Holy Spirit freely as we ask. I've never experienced anything so amazing as having the Lord Jesus live in me through His Spirit. Everyday is new and the future is always bright , despite our mistakes and failures. His forgiveness is complete and His transforming power will never cease it's work in us until the day we see Him face to face. Happy Easter!

Sad 4/13/09

The computer stuff has gone from bad to worse. This is not a negative attitude or complaint, it's simply a reality. I just got off the phone with tech support and it appears that I have big software and hardware issues that will only be resolved by shelling out big bucks and doing hours more uninstalling and reinstalling of various programs. I am sad.

Slow and Steady 4/14/09

These must be really boring posts. Computers...SNORE.

Anywho, today's task in the studio has been to run every scan imaginable and to try and get rid of ALL Digidesign files and software. For some reason, this is not an easy task. There are 8.0 drivers that will not let me delete them.

I'm downloading 8.0 again from the digi website (takes a long, long time) and I'm going to try and reinstall it and then uninstall it and see if it will take those drivers with it. We shall see...

In the meantime, I'm updating the old blog.

2 Steps Forward, 3 Months Back 4/14/09

Okay, so I was finally able to uninstall 8.0 with all the drivers. That was great. Then I was able to successfully install 7.4 and that was great. So, when I went to start protools, it was completely unresponsive. I restarted the computer several times and it was still unresponsive.

So, now I'm running system restore. AGAIN. It is also a very slow process. It's much too pretty a day to waste it sitting in front of a computer that doesn't even work, so maybe I can find something outdoors to do...

Trouble Me 4/16/09

This morning in my time with the Lord this song came to mind. I've never listened to it with the concept of prayer in mind, but it was cool to remember that He wants us to 'trouble him' with our cares and worries.

Patient Endurance 4/18/09

"I, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus..."

As I've considered the state of Christianity in America I really sense a connection with John's words in Revelation 1:9 and the times we are in now. I'm getting the sense from the Lord that now is the time for patient endurance. It's time for Christians to stand. Truth is not relative and we're going to be pressed, but purified in the process and made ready for the return of our King.

First Official Team Meeting 4/21/09

Well, we've got our first official team meeting this Thursday night. I know we won't have everyone there, but I'm exited to get the ball rolling. I'm trusting the Lord will prepare the way and make it worth every one's while to come out. Help me to do the prep work in prayer, Lord.

He's Not Me. 4/27/09

You know, I realized today for the first time in a long time that my thoughts are NOT God's thoughts. That sounds silly, but I realized that I need to think before I speak to Him. I need to remember that He's a person separate from me.

Sometimes I forget to respect the Lord. It seems ridiculous, but it's true. I treat Him like a teddy bear and I think that thinking out loud is praying. That's just not the case.

I forget to repent. I forget that I need to live a lifestyle of repentance and that I need to be vigilant to forgive everyone of everything. I've been confessing this junk and I'm praying that God will restore me to the fear of the Lord. I want to respect Him like I should so that I can have a powerful and intimate relationship with Him. That just can't happen without walking in the fear of the Lord.

Oh Yeah... 4/30/09

A thought for the day:

We ended up staying up WAY too late last night, so we all slept in. I was thinking as I was coming out of my sleepy-head state this morning that I needed to spend some time with the Lord. I was also thinking how I don't get much out of it when I wait until mid-morning to read the Word and pray. I'm so foggy-headed that I can't stay focused or hear what He's saying.

Then, the Holy Spirit, being the wonderful person that He is, reminded me: "Why don't you seek God for Him? Why don't you stop worrying about what you do or don't get out of it and why don't you think about ministering to His heart?"

Oh yeah... How simple and yet how profound... and liberating!

Where would I be without the Lord's constant shepherding. The human heart (mine in particular) is so prone to wander. I'm so glad that His mercies are new every morning and that He's continually showing us a better way than the selfishness that comes so naturally.

The other cool thing about this is that on Sunday I really asked the Lord to help me to love Him more and learn to BE with Him. I can get so goal/task oriented that I totally forget to fellowship with the Lord and my friends, too. Sometimes life seems all about getting the job done.

I know that's not what we were created for. We were created for relationship. So, anyway, it's been cool to have the Lord answering my prayer on Sunday by opening my eyes to some basic things in my life that need re-vamping.

How cool that NOW is the time. Repentance is right now. It's in the moment. Lord, I want to love you more and enjoy You NOW.

I'm so thankful that He is faithful to show us the way.

Speaking Well of the Lord 5/2/09

I was reminded of a great scripture the other day. When we speak well of the Lord He takes notice and even writes it down.

Malachi 3:16-17
"Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another, and the Lord listened and heard them; so a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the Lord and who meditate on His name.
"They shall be Mine," says the Lord of hosts, "On the day that I will make them My jewels." And I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him."

True Story 5/8/09

So, I was shopping at Wal-Mart last week. It's not my favorite place to shop. I always feel a little overwhelmed by everything -- noises, people and lots and lots of stuff. There are choices to be made and people everywhere you look. I'm not a fan of shopping in general; it wears me out.

I was shopping specifically for groceries, therefore I stayed on the grocery side. I bought the usual: Bread, cereal, frozen pizzas, milk, fruit, etc.

At the check-out line my total came to $190. I was thinking that sounded a little high, so when I got everything unloaded into the back of the car I checked over the receipt. I saw a $40 item. I was racking my brain to try and figure out what food item I could have possibly purchased that would cost that much. The cryptic letters and numbers to the left of that dollar amount didn't give me any real clue as to what the item might be. I even got out of my car to check the trunk and look over the groceries. There wasn't anything that should cost that much.

Being the question asker that I am I decided to take my receipt back inside and inquire about the item. I stopped in at the greeter first and she said she had no idea, so I went to the customer service counter. When I handed the 50 year old, bleached blond sales associate the receipt and showed her the item line in question she started cackling and bellowed, "you bought $40 Gala apples!!! Ha ha!" All the sales associates laughed and hooted.

I was pretty shocked by the oversight. They started going into other stories about this. They told me they knew of a guy recently who bought an $11 steak and it rang up as a $110 steak. The associates all thought it was funny and par for the course. They said, "oh, they just punched it in wrong in the back." I was slightly horrified. Shouldn't this stuff be carefully monitored through a computerized inventory system? They made it sound like Wal-Mart was a podunk country bumpkin story not an international super-store bringing in trazillions of dollars of revenue daily!

How many people really check their receipts anyway? How many people actually have time to do that? Luckily the kids were at home with Barry. Had they been with me I seriously doubt I would have gone to all that trouble to discover and recover Wal-mart's error. Yeesh!

Check your receipts if you go to Wal-Mart.

Ozzie Kicked my Butt 5/9/09

Oswald Chambers, that is. May 9th and 10th were just what the doctor ordered. Both stung a little and were sobering, but they've helped me to get out of the dead-zone and pursue the Lord.
The 9th is where I've been and the 10th is how to get out.
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May 9th

Grasp Without Reach

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"Where there is no vision, the people cast of restraint." Proverbs xxix. 18 (R.V.)

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There is a difference between and ideal and a vision. An ideal has no moral inspiration; a vision has. The people who give themselves over to ideals rarely do anything. A man's conception of Deity may be used to justify his deliberate neglect of his duty. Jonah argued that because God was a God of Justice and of mercy, therefore everything would be all right. I may have a right conception of God, and the may be the very reason why I do not do my duty. But wherever there is vision, there is also a life of rectitude because the vision imparts moral incentive.

Ideals may lull to ruin. Take stock of your self spiritually and see whether you have ideals only or if you have vision.

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"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,

Or what's heaven for?"

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"Where there is no vision...." When once we lose sight of God, we begin to be reckless, we cast off certain restraints, we cast off praying, we cast off the vision of God is little things, and begin to act on our own initiative. If we are eating what we have out of our own hand, doing things on our own initiative without expecting God to come in, we are on the downward path, we have lost the vision. Is our attitude today and attitude that springs form our vision of God? Are we expecting God to do greater things than He has ever done? Is there a freshness and vigour in our spiritual outlook?

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May 10th

Take the Initiative

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"Add to your faith virtue...." ("Furnish your faith with resolution.") (Moffatt.) 2 Peter i. 5.

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"Add" means there is something we have to do. We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do. We cannot save ourselves nor sanctify ourselves, God does that; but God will not give us good habits, He will not give us character, He will not make us walk aright. We have to do all that ourselves, we have to work out the salvation God has worked in. "Add" means to get into the habit of doing things, and in the initial stages it is difficult. To take the initiative is to make a beginning, to instruct yourself in the way you have to go.

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Beware of the tendency of asking the way when you know if perfectly well. (Ouch!) Take the initiative, stop hesitation, and take the first step. Be resolute when God speaks, act in faith immediately on what He says, and never revise your decisions. If you hesitate when God tells you to do a thing, you endanger your standing in grace. Take the initiative, take it yourself, take the step with your will now, make it impossible to go back. Burn you bridges behind you -- "I will write that letter"; "I will pay that debt." Make the thing inevitable.

We have to get into the habit of hearkening to God about everything, to form the habit of finding out what God says. If when a crisis comes, we instinctively turn to God, we know what the habit has been formed. We have to take the initiative where we are, not where we are not.

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I am choosing to seek God and put my confidence in the living and enduring Word of God -- not because my feelings validate it, not because my life reflects it, but because "all men are like grass, and their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers, and the flowers fall, but the Word of the Lord stands forever." (1 Peter 1:24-25)

Follow My Faithfulness 5/13/09

This phrase came to mind today. I felt like the Lord was wanting to remind me to follow His faithfulness. I need to remember His track record. His promises are sure and steady and like a rainbow with a pot of gold at the bottom, there is rich treasure in store as we hang on and trust -- regardless of our feelings and circumstances.

S.O.S Chapter 5 "The Season of Suffering" 5/17/09

Notes from 5/10/09 service:

Christianity is NOT a system of beliefs, but a relationship with a man, Jesus Christ. When we lose sight of this our souls wither and become consumed with vague and unsatisfied longings.

Song of Solomon (symbolic of New Testament truths...)

Chapter 2 -- How He loves us! Even in the place of being burnt-out and bruised, dealing with sin-issues and shame, even in the place of weakness God speaks love and affirmation over us. There are 84 affirmations in S.O.S He never demeans her! God loves us radically without ever demeaning or accusing us.

Chapter 3 -- Let's run together! Let's win some victories. She goes with Him knowing that it's better to be with Him in the mountains than without Him in her comfort zone.

Chapter 4 -- vs 9 "You have stolen my heart" (Make it personal! This is what God speaks to us. Believe it and let it affect your heart.) She's done nothing but offer him a sincere yes and He says, "you've ravished my heart," "Do you know the way you move me?" Even the smallest attempt to please Him ravishes His heart. He loves to tell us how much He loves us!!! He is captivated by a heart that desires to be beautiful to the Lord. A heart that says no to sin and yes to God over and over. The real issue is not the devil, he is just a paw. The real issue is whether or not the human heart will choose to love God. Will our hearts choose the Lord? Will we believe His love even in the face of trying circumstances, ceaseless accusations about God's character and our own failings. Believe His love!

"Blow on my garden." Whatever will bring pleasure to the King, be it hardships and pain or blessings and abundance, let it come! Let it blow on my life. WILL WE TRUST HIS LOVE?

Vs 16 Whatever happens, let it happen. Whatever would bring you pleasure, let it come. She's abandoned to Him because she trusts His leadership and His love and His voice of affirmation.

God knows how to mix the ingredients of our lives to make us into a suitable Bride for His son! None of it is in vain. None of it is wasted! We will tend our hearts and root out offense? Though our circumstances may be a prison around us, He has wrapped us in chords of kindness and surrounded us with the treasure of His faithfulness.

Chapter 5 Even though He invites her into a season of suffering, she trusts His leadership and His love. He knows what He is doing! His leadership in my life is excellent!!!

Vs 2 He's inviting her into the night, the season of sharing in the fellowship of his sufferings in order to deepen their love. She's getting it! The fact that he has shared in her humanity and that He loves her. He's experienced the night (suffering) and has invited her out into it. Jesus was despised, rejected, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

There's another level of knowing Him -- knowing Him as the suffering servant. He invites us to deepen (Phil 3). He's taking us into a greater intimacy, but it is through the road of sufferings. Unfortunatley, it is in these hardships that many allow offense to come in. If the offense remains, the heart will become distant and cold toward the Lord. "I don't want to be offended when it's all coming down..."

She follows Him into the night. He is no longer there. This is when we can't hear God or see Him -- our circumstances are painful, our vision is limited -- we lack understanding and feel a sense of abandonment. He allows her to experience a sense of abandonment, just like Jesus did. This is fellowship with Jesus in the night.

Vs 6 The place of the dark night. God steps back and it deepens the love we share. It's for the purpose of drawing us into greater intimacy. Trust His leadership, even though you can't see Him, hear Him or feel Him.

Vs 7 In the middle of this dark season she experiences woundings from surrounding people -- the watchmen. Those she trusted were the very ones who wounded her. In her vulnerable state she was hurt by those she trusted. (ie. spiritual leaders, the church.)

The purpose of this season is to help us remember to find our sole attachment in Him, not people. Only Him. In the end we can only trust Him to sustain. Only He can truly comfort our hearts.

God will allow negative situations to help us refocus our lives on Him.

Vs 8 She's in the dark and she's been beaten. She goes to her friends and says, "if you find Him, tell Him I love Him." "Tell Him I'm not offended with Him." She endures that dark night and she says, "I'm not offended with you, Lord. I'm lovesick." WOW. This moves the heart of God in a way we cannot even comprehend.

SOS 5:10-16
She proclaims the knowledge of God in the night season. She affirms His leadership. She affirms His person, "the fairest of 10,000." She affirms Him with a heart that is unoffended. His head is the finest gold. His leadership is perfect.

Chapter 6 After this season of suffering and testing, He falls so madly in love with her, "you are as awesome as an army with banners." You have come forth victorious. "Turn your eyes from me, they overwhelm me." He is captivated by her love. She has a lovesick heart that is not offended with His ways and He is overwhelmed by her love for Him. In chapter 4 He is ravished, in chapter 6 He is overcome, and in chapter 8 He is overwhelmed. She emerges from this trial (the desert) with her eyes open. She sees her lover as the most beautiful one. Indeed He is.

Fun 5/26/09

This was way too fun not to share. It's not everyday that you get to throw your old couch off a second story deck. I've wanted to do this for a long time.

Word 5/31/09

Scriptures I've been chewing on:

Psalm 121:5

The Lord watches over me! He is the shade at my right hand. The sun shall not harm me by day, nor the moon by night.

He is my shade. He is my rest and refreshment. He is my shelter and He is ever present.

Romans 8:35-39

NOTHING can separate me from God's love! Not trouble, not hardship, not persecution, famine, nakedness, danger or sword. There have been times where I've allowed my suffering to separate me from Him in my own mind, but the reality that I must meditate on and believe is that nothing can separate me from His love.

Nothing can separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:17

"Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

When we suffer in Him, our suffering results in glory. That's big. I need more revelation on that so that suffering allows me to be built up and not torn down.

Romans 8:18

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Oh! If only I could get a glimpse of that glory. I need a revelation of the power in this truth so that I can be sustained in seasons of prolonged hardship. God, give your people a revelation of the coming glory, give us vision and inspiration to endure. You are good! None of the mess will be wasted. Let us live in you and be full of hope that you are indeed conforming us to the image of Christ.

If Christ was perfected through his sufferings, then how much more do we need that work in our lives. God, let it not be in vain. Give us grace to cooperate with you and entrust ourselves to you without reservation or fear. You are doing a good work in your people.

Renew 5/31/09

Wow. I heard a great word tonight. It was out of Nehemiah. I'm seeking God to strengthen my hands so that I do not give up. May I have a mind to work, may I be full of His joy and HOPE -- full of confident expectation that I will see His goodness in the land of the living. Confident that He is faithful and that He will finish the good work He's started in me.

May I keep one hand on the sword and one hand ready to build and do the hard work required to carry out the vision. May I walk in His divine empowerment to remain in the vision and to continually work toward the vision. May I be refreshed and renewed in my understanding of God's vision for me. May I see it anew and be filled with fresh vigor and zeal to see it through. May zeal for the Lord's house consume me.

I was so blessed to have Leslie and Jamie pray for me. I will see His goodness in the Land of the Living. God will not give up on me. God knows exactly where I am in Him. He sees the secret cry of my heart. I will not give up hope! He is near. Like Holly said, He is jealous for me.

He is giving me grace to press the battle as it seems to swell and rage all around me. I will not give up. I will not give in. If I don't quit I'll surely win. The Lord fights for me as I stand my ground in Him.

Renewed strength and vigor. Renewed vision. Renewed resolve. Renewed passion. Renew, renew, renew. More of You, Lord!

Isaiah 54 6/1/09

I want to start the day out meditating in Isaiah 54:10-17

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you."

God is compassionate toward me! I need to dwell on that. The past two years have been very difficult, but regardless of the "shaking of mountains," His love for me is unfailing. His love for me remains strong, regardless of the hardships I've been through. He is making the rough places smooth, thus the "removal of hills." This has been very painful and difficult, but He is faithful. He loves me. Nothing can separate me from His love.

It's been so intense. There have been many times I felt my heart slipping into despair and hopelessness. God is faithful! Every attack of the enemy God has and will redeem.

"O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones. All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace. In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you."

He's not through yet and I will not give up. He will yet bring comfort, healing and restoration. He will yet redeem. He is merciful. The attacks and the destruction were NOT His doing and He says that my enemies will surrender to me. They will not win! The darkness that has covered my life will not win. I put my mustard seed of faith in the soil of God's faithful heart and I choose to trust and believe for help and redemption. I will yet see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

"See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me," declares the Lord."

God Himself is the one who created our opposition. He did not create an adversary to overpower us, but so that we could overpower him! We will not fail. Our God is greater than our enemy! Our enemies are subject to our God. Therefore, I can confidently stand and say, "No!" to my enemy's taunts and accusations. That is the heritage God has given me. I am hemmed in by His triumphal procession, regardless of my circumstances, and I will refute every tongue that accuses me.

Oh Lord, how desperately I need Your strength! Please strengthen me to refute every accusation and to confidently contend for Your healing and breakthrough in my life. I was not created for defeat! I was created for victory. Like the Shield Maiden of Rohan, I am uniquely qualified in Christ to defeat even the most terrifying enemies.

Jane Eyre 6/6/09

I started reading Jane Eyre and I love it. I can't wait til I'm done so I can get back to going to bed on time. I took the book down to the waterfall today with the kids and I read as they played. It was great. When I read Rochester's words of devotion toward Jane I almost shed some tears because I couldn't help but think of how the Lord is moving us into more of a "Bridal Identity." I pray that we'll gain a deeper revelation of the reality of our Bridegroom and His imminent return.

Yard Sale 6/13/09

Today we were reminded of the fact that we do not ever want to have another yard sale, ever, ever. We jumped in with Barry's mom and sister and neighbor and friends, etc. for a group yard sale. Yeah... We made $70. That's great and all, but considering all the prep time and then the almost 9 hours out in the heat I really don't think it's worth the trouble. From now on we will definitely stick to dropping everything off with Good Will.

Fried Green Tomatoes 6/18/09

We had fried green tomatoes tonight from our garden and it was WONDERFULLY YUMMY! I love eating stuff that we grew. It's free and it tastes good. I guess that's all I have to say about that.

Also, on the Blackmon front, we just had a Korea team meeting. It went really well. I feel like we're connecting well as a team and that we've been able to connect with the Lord about the camp. That is reassuring indeed. It's great to know that the Lord has His hand on things from start to finish.

Now I (with the Lord's help) need to finish the curriculum tweakage and development, pick out visual aids, make copies of them and then put them together with the team at our next meeting. I'm a good starter, but not a good finisher. If anyone actually reads this blog do me a favor and please, right now, just say, "Jesus, help her finish this!" Thank you.

So, our next meeting is in 2 weeks and then in July we'll start our training. We're all really exited about this. A couple of folks are nervous about the North Korean missile craziness, but I figure if there's a real problem our team in Korea will let us know. God's a lot bigger than some weird-o with bad hair and some missile threats.

Oh, and something that makes me incredibly happy that's not related to anything else in this post, which is perfectly logical for me since I tend toward complete randomness, a few months back the Lord very specifically let me know that I'm called to minister to His heart. I had really lost sight of that and anyway, He's opened up a door for me to do devo sets at IHOP. I loooove it because it's just about the worship. Nobody knows or cares who you are or what you look like or anything. You just sneak up there, worship in a very low-profile way and then leave. It's GREAT! It's the ideal environment for worshipping if you ask me and I am so very thankful that the Lord has shown me my niche with this. I love it, love it, love it! There's no power point to prepare, no music styles or preferences to worry about, it's just me and Jesus and that's it. Their only requirement is that you just really worship, which is what I need and want to do. It's a win-win situation. I'm actually leading a set from 10pm to midnight tonight. I'm a night-owl, so it sounds good to me...

Fort Yargo 6/22/09

I took the kids to Fort Yargo the other day. Barry and I really like the bike trails over there. The kids wanted to swim so we braved the crowd and I let them get in the water for a few minutes. People must've been really desperate to cool off that day because as we were leaving we passed a granny and a young girl, both topless. Granny did have on a white cotton bra, mind you, but still, it was more than I wanted to see. She must have been REALLY hot to disrobe in such a large crowd. Both of them were knee deep in the water when we left. I guess she reckoned that her bra covered more than most swimsuits do these days.

Go See Rachel's Gorilla Hunt 6/27/09

http://rachelchilders.blogspot.com

Yay! 6/29/09

Thanks to God's grace and people's prayers I got the curriculum DONE! Yahoo!!! I sent it all to Eunyoung today. Hopefully it won't need a lot of tweaking after she looks at it. We've got another team meeting tomorrow night and I'm hoping to have copies of all the curriculum to pass out. Unfortunately my printer stopped working today. Nice timing, eh? Oh well. Maybe I'll go to Kinko's or something.

Getting Closer... 7/17/09

Well, we're about 2 weeks away from leaving for Korea. Things are falling into place bit by bit. Our training meeting last week was a lot of fun! We've got a great group of folks. I still need van drivers, but other than that, I think all the big stuff is taken care of. We've got 2 more training meetings/band practices a parents meeting and a sleep-over. The Lord is so good (regardless of circumstances) and I'm thankful that He is over all of this.

The Final Countdown 8/1/09

Well, here we are, one day away from leaving for our Korea trip. I can't believe it's finally here. This year we're taking a team of about 18 with us, so there have been many more details to handle. Needless to say, my packing job is a lot sloppier than it was last year. I know we're in for an exiting time. Flexibility is the key, the say. We'll fly 14 hours over there and then start camp the NEXT morning. Holy Toledo!!! We are definitely relying on God's supernatural power for this--there's just no other way. Last year I had terrible jet lag, so I'm trusting in faith that God will give us all the ability to love these kids and let the Lord work through us regardless of our physical or emotional state. I'm hanging on to Galatians 2:20. I no longer live, but Christ lives through me.

I'll try to post some things, but there are no guarantees. It's easier to just update facebook status. We'll see. We're super exited. What a wacky couple of year it has been. It's so fun to be able to see the Lord's faithfulness and kindness despite the hardships. He really is so, so good!

Pictures from Korea Trip 8/19/09

http://www.strawsermusicstudio.com/Strawser_Music_Studio/Trip_to_Korea/Trip_to_Korea.html

Back in the Dawg Pen... 9/5/09

So, I'm back in school. I'm taking Korean and a service learning course that helps with ESL. So far, so good!

Pinch My NOSE!!! 9/21/09

Strange, but true, this is what Sam says to me every night. Four days a week I have to leave the house before 7am to get to school on time and Sam wants to see me before I go. I never can get her to wake up that early, so she always tells me to pinch her nose in order to wake her up. I just can't bring myself to do that. She looks so sweet and innocent, why would I pinch her nose? Maybe I'll have to just get over it and do it tomorrow morning...

Another random anecdote. (We Blackmons are weird.) One time Sam told Will, "I've always wanted to be woken up by having someone stuff a donut in my mouth." So the next time Barry brings donuts home Will happens to be up before Sam and shares this with me. "Why not?" I think. So, I follow Will into Sam's room and he shoves a chocolate donut with sprinkles into Sam's mouth. She smacks her lips and starts chewing and says, "mmhhhmmm." It was so funny. I think I might want to punch anyone who did that to me, but Sam knows herself pretty well and she knew she'd love it. This really happened. She really was dead asleep and Will really stuffed a donut in her mouth to wake her up. What a silly, quirky family. I sure do love them!

More Thoughts on Suffering and Hope 9/26/09

So, how is it that genuine hope, hope that doesn't disappoint, comes as a result of suffering. That's not logical is it? Why must it be forged in a season of suffering?

These are the thoughts I've had with the Lord today on this:

A paradigm shift is required in order to learn to live life from the inside out. When we come into the world, we take in all of our experiences and understanding from the outside world via our senses. We assimilate those experiences with our natural minds and we build perspectives and opinions based on those experiences and the understandings we come to as a result of interpreting those experiences with our intellect. Our entire world view and reference point for all that we are and how to relate to the world around us is entirely self-made.

Because we are born spiritually dead, we are left with nothing but human reasoning in developing our paradigms and references for life. When we are born again and receive the Spirit of God, our Spirit man is made alive again and we now have an internal source for wisdom and life. The only problem is that we have already been conditioned and programmed to interpret life without the Spirit.

I think that in order to learn to live life from the spirit man as opposed to our natural understanding, we must travel through seasons where our human intellect and natural hope dies. Those paradigms must be given opportunity to "self-destruct" so that we can make room for the paradigms and realities of a life lived in conjunction with the indwelling Spirit of God.

Suffering is obviously not fun and based on the nature and character of God, I KNOW that He only permits it because of the incredible benefits. As our natural hope dies we are able to embrace life as the indwelling Spirit intends it to be. A life of rest and peace based in intimacy and sweet dependence on God.

I love the scripture from Deuteronomy 33:12 that says, "let the beloved of the Lord rest secure between His shoulders." What a beautiful picture of intimacy, rest and trust. But, the Lord is not a physical presence in our lives, so how is it that we can learn to experience this and live in that place of continual intimacy with God? How is it that we can really experience that type of rest and closeness with Him?

It is only in having Him Shepherd us into new paradigms of the heart and mind that teach and enable us to live in continual fellowship with the indwelling spirit of God. Here is our rest, here is our hope, here is the intimacy that we all long for. Living life in the abiding presence our loving King. He's made His home in our hearts and He longs to reveal what that means and the wonderful intimacy that provides. Will we journey with Him into the frightening places of letting go of our self-made paradigms and into real life with His Spirit?

Sweet Ava 9/29/09

Sweet little Ava Costa was born today. She was 7 pounds 15 ounces and has a head full of dark hair. We're so exited to finally meet her. Congratulations to our dear friends, The Costas!

Sam and Ava 9-29-09

Bella and Ava 9/29/09

2010 1/3/10

Three things I know:

1) God really is good.

2) God really does love me.

3) God really is shepherding my life with tender care and concern.

Those things remain. Throughout all the shaking that's happened in my life in the past few years, it's comforting to see that what matters most is what remains. Those things won't go anywhere.

With that being said, I really don't have any New Year's Resolutions. I'm just learning to lean into what I know to be true and let the rest fall where it may! I'm learning to keep my sticky fingers off the Shepherd's staff and just enjoy the journey, where ever it may lead. His plans are better than mine anyway. (Ephesians 3:20.)

Updates on the homefront: The Blackmons are doing well and I'm seeing the Lord do many new and wonderful things in my extended family. Barry's homeschooling the kids. Wow. And I'll be done with school in the Spring. Yay! After that I plan on just being Mommy and wife again and Lord willing, continuing with the music.

That's about it. I figured I stick up a new post before I'm swamped with school and neglect things again for a while.

4 Down, 1 to Go! 5/5/10

Okay, so my 16 hour semester at Georgia is winding down to a close. Hopefully, I've gained some helpful knowledge in the process. I have 1 more final on Thursday and then I'm done. What a relief that will be.

Next years Korea team formation is underway. I would've chosen to start that project after school ended, but it's not entirely up to me so... I'm in the middle of that also. We're taking 10 folks this year, which will be much more manageable compared to the 22 that went last year. Also, we'll only do 1 camp instead of 2 like we did last year. And... we get to write our own curriculum instead of using a VBS, like Crocodile Dock. Who wants to teach kids about the plagues anyway? Yeesh! I'm really exited about this year's camp.

Right now I feel like I'm in limbo with finishing school, getting camp stuff ready, summer trips, etc. But, it'll all fall into place and there's a great summer coming up SOON! Yay! Hopefully, I can be a little more consistent with blogging. It's a great outlet and now that I'm not typing up endless notes for classes my fingers can type here instead.

Dusting Off the Vision... 5/7/10

Whew!!! I'm done. I've kicked up a lot of dust this semester and I'm a bit dazed after finishing. In the last few weeks, I think my goal literally became finishing just so I could attain couch potato-dom and not have to do any more work.

Yesterday I was talking to Sam and telling her that I was almost done and that as of today (Friday) I would also have fulfilled my commitment for early morning prayer. She said, "That's great, Mom! Now you can sleep as late as you want and bum around for the rest of your life!!!" That really struck me. Is that really what I'm after? Because, sometimes that's how I live -- like the best thing ever is to avoid all pain and work and just nestle myself in comfort and ease.

This morning, reluctant as I was to leave my warm bed and drive to the church for prayer the Lord was so good to meet me there. (He always does. It's really pretty stinkin' amazing.) Today was such a neat time where the Lord did a phenomenal job dusting off my vision, letting me see it afresh and then handing it back to me. I'm kind of in awe. I totally expected to leave prayer today and plan on moving onto the next thing without looking back, but the Lord allowed me to see how the events of my life have unfolded in such a way as to remind me that my home and my calling are found in His presence and in the place of prayer. Nothing about early morning prayer appeals to the natural man, but it is in that secret place that the heart of Heaven can be found and I am changed. That's worth the inconvenience of missing a little sleep.

I was just listening to Barry read aloud to the kids. The first lines he read served as yet another confirmation of what the Lord has been speaking to me today. Here it is:

"Life was hard. Life was good. Most folks think this is a contradiction, but I have learned that the hardest, most difficult times of my life caused the most growth in my character. At the very least, those hard times prepared me for a better future." Kingdom's Edge by Chuck Black

The Return of Mommyhood 5/9/10

It is Mother's Day and I'm having such a fun time planning my re-entry into Mommyhood. No, I'm not pregnant! I'm just happy to have my life back after finishing school. Yay! I can cook and paint the kids rooms and start tending to all of those little chores that have nagged me for so long. (I am trusting that my chest will hold up and that I'm ready to get back in the game.) Sam wants to help me meal plan and cook, which I am thrilled about. I'm also hoping to systematically work through the entire house to get it back into shape. And I'd like to master the art of couponing, although I stopped at 5 gas stations today before I figured out that the AJC will NOT be found in Athens. Looks like I'll have to zip over to Walton County for that. Anywho, these are just some of my thoughts as I move into the next chapter.

That's all I have to say.

Miracle Max 5/23/10

Little "Miracle Max" passed away last night in the arms of his dear Aunt Holly. I've never seen such devotion to a child as I've seen in Holly. She's been his constant caregiver. She's been there through every surgery, watched him practically everyday all day and every night, coached him into eating solid foods, helped him learn to walk, took him on trips and outings and was literally like a guardian angel to him.

Max woke up suddenly last night and asked Holly to hold him. He laid his head on her shoulder and he quietly passed away. He will be missed.

Be in prayer for sweet Holly. I'm sure a piece of her heart is now irretrievable, locked away within the heart of Heaven with Max. She invested her life into this child and he is now beyond the veil of eternity. God will be her comfort and strength, but the loss will leave a scar.

Last night she felt prompted to read Psalm 23 to Max. She reminded him of God's care and his angels that are ever present. Her arms were a physical reality to Max of the very real and ever present love of God. Quietly and peacefully in the watches of the night, that love came and took him home.

The Token 2017 Post. Hehe.

Makes me chuckle.  But, here I am.  This has been a great year!  So much freedom and "out of the box-ness."  That has not been an easy thing, but it is a very, very good thing.

I've had some great paradigm shifts this year, too.

Where ever we gather with God's people -- anywhere on the earth -- is home.  We should act like it because we are with family.  The name on the building doesn't matter.  There are no rewards for loyalty to a brand.  We are one with believers world wide and we need to act like it.

The Farm 6/9/19

Blogging has definitely taken a back seat over the past several years.  I never did write for an audience, but rather for the catharsis.  Life has moved at a break neck pace the last few years.  When we got home from Korea, we brought the Korean work ethic back with us.  Barry and I both worked multiple jobs.  We had several months of "homelessness" and we were getting the kids settled into a school a few counties over.  We ended up building a sweet little house in a cul-de-sac.  It was a great 5 years.  We entered teenage years about the time we moved into that house.  Rough waters.  Nothing could've prepared me for it.  We're still in it really.  I feel like the worst is behind us, but our youngest is a 17 year old boy right now, so...

Anyway, the season we're in now started with a move in January 2018 to a 17 acre farm in Athens.  After living in the bustling metropolis of Seoul, South Korea, Barry and I had a longing for land.  Georgia-born and raised, we both have a natural affinity for trees, grass, and fresh air.  Life in the city only made that fondest grow.  I remember walking land that was for sale on one of our visits back to the states.  Owning land became this unshakeable longing for Barry and I.  Our new house in the neighborhood was lovely.  We had a very private lot and 2 acres, but our appetite for more land only grew.

Eventually, I bought chickens.  I hid them in teh corner of our lot.  That particular corner butted up agains two neighbors that didn't live in the actual neighborhood.  Both of them had animals.

He Will Do This 12/1/07

After going to bed last night, I was laying there reflecting on this cross stuff. I was trying to devise my plan for self-denial through fasting and I began to feel very restless. I turned on the lamp and read Psalm 37.

"Don't fret...Trust in God...Rest..."

That's good stuff. It also said, "Commit your way to the Lord; TRUST IN HIM and He will do this: HE will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

Even in dying to myself I've got to be totally dependent on Him. That's really the heart of the matter. Am I trusting in my ability to get there or His ability to take me to where I need to be? Lord, I repent for walking in my own strength. I rest IN YOU. Resting for the sake of resting doesn't do anything but promote growth of the butt. Resting IN YOU is powerful. It's a posture of the soul--quiet trust and confident leaning on You, God.

Oh Lord, become more in my life so that I can become less. Let me be consumed with Your cause--so caught up in your kingdom that I don't have to remind myself to die to self--so wrapped up in loving and serving You that nothing else competes for my attention and affection.
I love you, Jesus. Thank you for loving me so much. Have Your way in me. Let King Jesus have dominion in my life and through my life. May I humbly yield to You at all times in every way. May I acknowledge You as the King You are and live a life of reverent submission and worship.

The Cross 11/27/07

The Cross. The Cross? The CROSS!!!

I've felt pretty spiritually flat-lined for a while now. After listening to, reading, etc. a combination of Biblically-inspired materials, the Holy Spirit has reminded me--once again--that I must DIE. Death precedes life. If I don't die with Jesus I can't live with Jesus. It's that simple. Jesus demonstrated normal Christian living and for those of us who started out as sinners, the starting line is in the grave.

When I say spiritually flat-lined I don't necessarily mean lacking in faith, I mean I've sensed a huge lack of power and passion in my life. Now I'm beginning to realize that it's because I've been holding onto my rights, my preferences, my opinions, my pleasures, my comforts, my reputation, my family (ouch!), my space, my sleep... The list could go on and on. Lest I harp on the negatives, let me remind myself that it was "for the joy set before Him that Jesus endured the cross..." I need a fresh infusion of the joyful reality of the cross of Christ. At the cross I am declared innocent of sin. At the cross I am washed, healed, and made new. At the cross I am brought into the glorious inheritance of Jesus Christ. I am filled with the power and passion of HEAVEN.

All of the rights and privileges of being one with Father-God, Jesus willingly put aside so that He could experience humanity. After living a sinless life and dying as an innocent man on a cross to pay for our sins, Jesus won back His "God-rights" and His inheritance and He has handed them over to us! We've been commissioned to go and do what He did in the same power and authority that He walked in when He was on the earth. This is big stuff for such a little brain!
A powerless life is a self-life.

An empowered life is a life FULLY, 100%, ABSOLUTELY and COMPLETELY surrendered to CHRIST. We overcome when we "do not love our lives so much as to shrink from death." As soon as we make the choice to fully surrender our wills and "DIE" to ourselves, then BOOM the life of Christ is free to burst forth.